I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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