it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
