Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Randomize
