I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
