when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
