Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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