Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
My boob is missing a layer of skin
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
