whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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