Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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