Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
