Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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