You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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