And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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