I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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