end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
