i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
