it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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