I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
We had to coat check the pizza.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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