No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
