I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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