It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
