There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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