It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Alive.
So much puke
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Randomize
