worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
