All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
