i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
