Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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