I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
