just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I think pants incapable of making pants work
he's single and there are thong briefs.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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