I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
