masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
