I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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