Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
