grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You are the jesus of drinking
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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