yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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