woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
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