Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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