Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
