is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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