guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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