dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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