I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
