Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Boobs speak an international language.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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