When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
