She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
