So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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