remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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