is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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