Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
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