Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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