No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
