I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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